Welcome to My Insanity

It’s as if some people are living in a fantasy land where their families give them love without a question - unconditional love, at that. And here I am, stuck in a cruel and absurd reality where my own flesh and blood make me work for their love and in the end, I never really receive it despite my efforts. I always thought that once I found a lover - a partner, rather - that that’d be the true test of my love; that’d be when I’d actually go forth and prove my love to someone but it seems to be that with the people that should willingly give me their love. I’ve been cheated and deprived of love for so long that I don’t believe I’ll know what I am to do when it is given to me. 

Well here I am once again, back in your wretched clutches. You set me free, you let me live, you removed the bounds and I was happy. I was happy. But you’ve taken it all back like it was nothing. The freedom itself was enough to replenish my smiles but I had him. I had him. And I was happy. How does it feel to let me taste the best of the world and then rob me of such contentment? You say it’s the guardian in you that won’t allow me to be exposed. Even so, why would you grant me the gift and then reap it? T’was cruel, my guardian.

drawn-to-the-darkness asked: your an amazing writer <3

There comes a time - or a state of being, rather - when you are so wounded that you subconsciously open yourself to the demonic entities that hunger for your pain. Whilst you are blinded by hurt you may even commit self infliction, which you may or may not know is deemed a sin by most. Now that you’re a sinner, how can you turn to your God? Who else do you have? This is when the subconscious take over begins. In the dark, you call out to anyone, or anything, that can hear. With God no longer on your side you are met by the Keepers of Misery. They devour everything you are and you become Their play toy. Nevertheless, according to society, depression is an illness, therefore you are not held responsible for your ugly rebirth. Even though you need not worry about society’s cold shoulder, you are still property of the Underworld. You called for help, and you were answered with your demise.

He showed me the path to trust; he shown his lantern on the path so that I could walk upon it with confidence. And now, he is absent. And his absence has brought the darkness back once again. So now I am blind and vulnerable to all the predators that lurk amongst the boundless shadows. Although I have collected allies along the way, the darkness may lure deceit into the hearts of the angels. With this paranoia gripping my mind I know not whether to continue or to turn around and return to my lonely isolation.

I can see your mouth water with pleasure as you belittle my very existence with such ease. I know it brings you peace to know that I am forbidden to ever strike you back but don’t think for a second that it doesn’t linger in my mind every single day. You feed the demon that teases my leash with a blood drunk blade. One day all my restraints will crumble to sad bits and you will discover my hidden evil. But I know my triumph will last only so long and you will come back at me with your power and forever hold me in your bitter clutches. Even so, my mouth will be the one watering with pleasure when you witness what you thought you had so cleverly mapped out steer far from all your precise teachings. I hope you like surprises because I anticipate the day I snap and the world around you falls victim to a slow and agonizing demise.

You exploit the burdens others carry upon their broken backs; you exploit them for your own selfish hunger to appear perfect-minded in hopes of gaining an army of retched followers. And once you have obtained enough seeing, breathing flesh to populate your vile army, you attack with full force with no rendition or consideration of morality. You care not whether it be your place to attack, let alone gather your falsified army in the first place. But it makes me wonder what it is that brings you fear of wrongness. What points you into the Devil’s direction? What dark forces push you forward? Who has corrupted you? Who has ripped out your eyes and spat deceit upon them? Even so, you must stop the savage killing of the ones you fear. You must stop your blind and foolish army. You must stop yourself. You must stop.

I’m sick of the way you parade this earth with this twisted thought of forever correctness. You are as broken as the rest of them. How dare you obliterate the opinions of the souls around you just for that disgusting sense of pride that you hold so dearly. You better come to your damned senses and realize once and for all that you are as human as the rest of us. You can be wrong. You are wrong sometimes. So don’t you dare go to all odds to prove otherwise. You’re digging a whole that will soon create a rift. I cannot jump across a rift; I’d fall to my death. So tell me now, when do you plan to grow up and treat the people you claim to love with respect? Tell me now, because the rift has nearly arrived to devour everything we thought was strong.

It’s a sad thing, to have my demons unleashed for all to see and ridicule. It’s a sad thing, to try to open those closed eyes of yours only to receive your freshly sharpened weapon at my tender throat. It’s a sad thing, to see you build a pedestal, brick by brick, for one who kicks the very dirt you stand on into your blind eyes. It’s a sad thing, to hear the hate taint your voice when I try to lead you through the dark. It’s a sad thing, you’ll never understand.

You sit and ponder why I am the way I am when you are one of them; you are included in the hideousness of society when you arm yourself with aimless hate and burn my individualistic opinions to the cold, hard ground. You sit and ponder why I choose not to let the world into my heart and mind when you suffocate my love with your hate. Well no more will this tragedy repeat itself. You will continue to ponder because you’ve just reminded me why I am the way I am. And for that, I thank you.